Frazzled Marc, half way through my 40s!

Frazzled Marc, half way through my 40s!
Frazzled Marc, half way through my 40s!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The funny thing about mourning ...

The funny thing about mourning someone’s death is that it strikes you at the weirdest and most inopportune times. Some times are appropriate. I have trouble dealing with holidays and family birthdays. Of course, the death I am referring to is my mother’s, April 10, 2009. She was just a couple months shy of her 67th birthday. She died on Good Friday that year. So now every year, I will actually mourn her death on two days: April 10th and whatever day Good Friday occurs on. My mother always loved the spotlight, so now she gets two official days for me to mourn her (insert awkward reader laugh here).

I mourn on those above dates as well as Mom’s birthday. I mourn on my brother’s, sister’s, and my birthday because my Mom should be here. I think about her on my Nana’s and Grandpop’s Yahrzeit (the Jewish anniversary of death). I wonder if they are together again celebrating their reunion in Heaven. I mourn Mother’s Day and each holiday that my mother is not with us. Thanksgiving is particularly hard as this was Mom’s holiday. She LOVED it. She brought out my Nana’s crystal, china, and silverware to serve with. When my sister was very young, she painted a ceramic turkey napkin holder for my parents as a gift for Thanksgiving. It was painted with the utmost love. Mom named it Turkey-Lerky. My Mom cherished it so much that you’d think it was a piece of her best fine china! Every Thanksgiving, it would come out and hold court in the center of our table, much to my sister’s chagrin! Mom really loved that napkin holder and during the year, it had a special place in the dining room hutch until the following holiday.

I also mourn my mother at the oddest times. One of Mom's favorite shows was Dancing with the Stars. So when the promo comes on TV, you got it, I get upset. There is a particular song I associate with the week she died. Maybe it is because I heard it over and over on the radio. Now when I hear it, I sometimes pull over while driving and have a good cry. I mourn Mom when I play my ABBA, Diana Krall, or Gloria Estefan cds. Mom loved these artists. Particular smells drive me insane. The smell of meatloaf or baked chicken makes me think of Mom cooking them while I was growing up. I would run into the house after a long day at high school, and be overtaken by the smells of comfort food coming from the oven.

Mom’s birthday is August 24th. This year was hard. Luckily, Sheryl and I had Mom’s dearest family cousin, Robert, out with his daughter Dana, for a vacation over her birthday. It was difficult as my brother Adam couldn't not make it out. We relived a lot of memories with them. Between Sheryl and me, I think they saw as much of NYC, Philly, and the PA countryside as anyone could see in such short time. It was a great trip for them. We did particularly enjoy looking at Mom’s photo albums.

I grew very melancholy after that and that is when I took a break from writing. I just wanted to dwell in my sorrows and emotions, to focus on mourning my mother’s death. Well, one week became two, became three, became 2 months, etc. I can’t promise it won’t happen again. I reserve my right be melancholy and mourn my Mom whenever, however, and how often I want to. I continue to be angry, sad, depressed, and despondent at different times during the year. I am SLOWLY allowing happiness back into my life and I am happy, though, to be writing again.

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