Frazzled Marc, half way through my 40s!

Frazzled Marc, half way through my 40s!
Frazzled Marc, half way through my 40s!

Monday, March 7, 2011

Workout Observations

Working out for an hour at a time gives you a lot of time to observe others' behavior at the gym. Enjoy.

Please stop playing your music like it's Studio 54. I don’t need to hear the “thump thump thump” of your Ipod bass from the treadmill next to me. I would say something to you, but you can't hear me as you have probably already made yourself deaf.

I appreciate the fact that you are spraying the exercise equipment down with disinfectant. But please remember that I am less than 2 feet away from you working my ass off and don’t need to be enveloped in a Bhopal-style chemical cloud.

If we are the only ones in the locker room and you just come in from lifting weights or working out, please undress or change several feet down from me as I don’t appreciate being sprayed with your sweat.

Grunting on an elliptical machine does not make me think you are “the man.” It makes me think you are "a beast." It doesn’t make you look cool either, just like an idiot.

Please don’t talk to me when I am midstride on an elliptical machine. It is not the time to chat and ask me if I saw “Resident Evil: Afterlife.” A simple “Hey Bud” will suffice.

To the gym staff, please don’t get annoyed at me if I ask why there is no hand sanitizer in the pumps. Just tell me it is on back order or whatever. I don’t need the eye roll you twentysomething “Juicy” couture-wearing tart.

I understand the reason for the twenty minute rule on the machines during peak time periods, but to the soccer mom climbing Mount Everest on the stairmaster next to me: How can you tell how much time you have left if you have covered the timer with a towel???

To these kids pumping iron with their friends: Please turn your hats around from the side and pull up your sagging gym shorts. I know that is the style but this is not the mall. (gosh I sound like a parent.)

To the couple so obviously in love working out side by side on the treadmills in front of me. The guys and girls in my row working out behind you are all thinking the same thing: Get a room, we hate you, and you will probably not last.

And lastly, why do they put the machines SO CLOSE to eachother? After working out, I go back to wipe down the machines with disinfectant and have just missed getting decapitated by an elliptical machine bar on more than one occasion.

OK, I am done. Time to work out these pent up frustrations!

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