Frazzled Marc, half way through my 40s!

Frazzled Marc, half way through my 40s!
Frazzled Marc, half way through my 40s!

Monday, January 30, 2012

How to Gain Weight Without Trying

Recently, my medical insurance offered a discount on our medical costs for filling out a rather lengthy questionnaire about our health habits. Since I am pretty healthy, I didn't have a problem with the request. Plus, I would be saving $5.00 a paycheck for filing it out and an additional $5.00 a paycheck for being a nonsmoker. I thought it was a pretty good deal. Whenever I can save on medical costs, I'm game!

I began the questionnaire on Friday at work and after 30 minutes, I saved my work and figured I would come back on Monday and complete it.  On Monday, and another 30 minutes later, the health program questionnaire was completed.  It prompted me to click and submit my answers, noting that they were final and could not be changed. I clicked yes. I mean after all, it was just a bunch of easy to answer health related questions. I could have done it with my eyes closed!  What could go wrong? The screen was still as the results of the questionnaire were being computed and calculated into a tailor made health plan JUST FOR ME!

I waited patiently for my tailor made plan and eventually it loaded onto the screen.  It listed all of my results in a chart across the screen, but one stood out in particular.  My weight was in red stating I needed to take part immediately in a comprehensive weight loss program.  What? I didn't understand. I thought back to the questions and answered that I worked out 4-5 times a week. I knew I felt I needed to get into better shape and lose about 10 pounds but I didn't understand the urgency ... and then I saw it! I accidentally entered 468 pounds instead of 168 pounds!

I hit the back button on my computer furiously and it would let me go back and change it!  My tailor made health plan stated that I was at an extreme risk since I was 468 pounds and 5'9"!  It also stated not to worry about my excessive drinking (2-3 drinks 3 x/week), because focusing on my extreme weight was priority number one!  Links were popping up all over the place for therapists, weight programs, diet programs. ARGH!!!

Now I have begun to get emails suggesting more weight loss programs on top of emails from my sister that she is going to send me Richard Simmons's DVD Sweatin' to the Oldies! My friend Jennifer already has my next birthday gift picked out, the Farewell to Fat cookbook. 

Laugh it up people, because between this year and next years' time when I have to fill out the questionnaire again, I plan on having the most dramatic weight loss in the history of this friggin' tailor made plan! I am thinking ... gee I don't know ... maybe around a 300 pound weight loss! Knowing my luck, I will be flagged by my HMO for losing too much weight at once!

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