Frazzled Marc, half way through my 40s!

Frazzled Marc, half way through my 40s!
Frazzled Marc, half way through my 40s!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Lovingly Terrorizing My Mother Part II

I have often "lovingly terrorized" my mother.  I was a devious kid but I swear it was always in good fun. I continued doing this well into adulthood just to get her riled up. I loved it and eventually, when she calmed down, we would laugh about it.

Think of this blog post as a companion piece to my original post that I published back on January 19, 2011, titled the same:

http://frazzledatforty.blogspot.com/2011/01/lovingly-terrorizing-my-mother.html

Mom used to work for a government social service agency which helped connect people with transportation. In fact, her official title was Transportation Coordinator. I would be at work at the Ritz, kind of bored after completing my daily duties as purchaser and would wonder what Mom was up to. The nice child would call up their mom and say "Hey what's up?"  I, on the other hand, would crank call my Mom a couple times each month.  She fell for it every time! Nothing mean or evil, just enough to get her riled up.

I remember one particular time, I called Mom and pretended that I was this belligerent drunken client of hers.
Mom answered the phone, "Abby Deeds, how can I help..."
I immediately interrupted her and said in a drunken gruff voice, "I NEED A RIDE!"
Mom was caught off guard, but being used to dealing with difficult people, replied after a pause, "OK, let me just get a pen and piece of paper and get your information."
"WHO IS THIS??" I exclaimed.
"Uh, Sir, this is Abby Deeds, Transportation Coordinator. With whom am I speaking?"
Mom was still in her 'trying to be polite mode.'
I told her my name was some popular character in TV culture which everyone knew but her.
"THIS IS BART SIMPSON. WHO IS THIS?" I asked, again in a drunken voice.
"Sir, I said this is Abby D ..."
"I NEED A RIDE!"
"MR. SIMPSON, YOU NEED TO STOP INTERRUPTING ME SO I CAN GET YOUR INFORMATION." Mom 's voice had risen. She was adamant but still polite and not over the edge.

I continued to push her.
"THIS IS BART SIMPSON!"
"OK Sir, I got that, now where are you going??" She asked testily. I could tell she was getting aggravated.
"TO THE LIQUOR STORE!!!!!"
"Sir, we don't drive our clients to the liquor store and you are obviously drunk!!! I think you need to ..."
"I NEED LIQUOR, WOMAN!!!!"
That set Mom off.
"YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU ARE A DISGUSTING MAN WHO HAS NO RIGHT BEING IN OUR PROGRAM! NOW GO SUCK AN EGG!!!!" she screamed at me and hung up.

I laughed and laughed and then called her back immediately.
"HELLO???" She practically screamed into the phone.
"Hi Mom, it's Marc, how ya doing?"
"Oh Marc, I..I'm sorry, I just had this drunken idiot on the phone getting nasty with me. But I showed him, I told him off and hung up on him!"
"Gee Mom, that really sucks ... like suck an egg?"
"What?" pause ..... "OH MARC! I"M GONNA GET YOU!"

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Another time, I called my Mom on the phone and convinced her that my cat, Smokey, had taken John's hand gun and was dragging it around the house.
"Hi Mom."
"Hi honey, how are you doing?"
We chatted for a couple minutes and then I sprang it on her.
"Mom, oh my God, Smokey has one of John's hand guns and he is pointing it at me!"
"Oh my GOD!!! Is it loaded! How does he have the gun???"
"I don't know! I don't know! What should I do?"
"Well get out of the way if he shoots it at you!!! Oh my God, oh my God, how does that cat have the gun??? Get out of the house!"
I started laughing.
"Mom, Smokey is a cat, how could he get or even work the gun? He has paws and no opposable thumbs!"
"Oh my God, you are a rotten child! How could you do this to your Mother! You are going to give me a heart attack!" Mom was very good with the Jewish guilt trip.

Yes, I was rotten with my pranks on my Mom. And yes, she often said we kids were responsible for her gray hairs. Probably me more than Sheryl. I think Adam gave her his fair share as well. It was all out of love and laughter; and she was just so gullible. I miss that but still laugh and laugh over these memories.

3 comments:

  1. Yes, Marc, you are a ROTTEN and DEVIOUS Child, BUT WE LOVE YOU ANYWAY. Skip

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  2. Brings back memories of my mom...as usual, thanks for sharing...David

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  3. Thanks guys! Skip, I think I was rotten and devious because I had an older brother constantly picking on me. LOL. Just kidding Adam!

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