|Frazzled Marc as a Babe 1970 😊|
Years ago when my Mother was alive, she once told me of two miscarriages that she had early in her life. At least one was before my sister. Maybe both were, I don't remember her specifically telling me when they occurred. I don't even remember how we got on the sad subject but her telling me of those miscarriages stuck with me. I sometimes think about those children which she had lost. Those brothers or sisters which did not make it. I could have had other biological siblings besides Adam or Sheryl.
I do remember the sadness in her eyes and face as she thought about them. She was of course so thankful for the children she had but I could sense her mind wandering as we talked about it, perhaps thinking about what could've been.
It is kind of an odd thing to ponder I guess. For if they had not passed away during the pregnancy, I may not have been conceived at all. In some weird twist of fate, I guess I have them to be thankful for, those unnamed children which had come before me. Their life and very early death paved the way for Sheryl, Adam and Marc's existence.
Another interesting thing which my Mother had told me was that I was almost named Alex. It is kind of unsettling as obviously my entire identity is intertwined with the name Marc … with a "C". Someone told me once that they could see me as an Alex. I don't know, 48 years as Marc has taken a hold of my psyche! Marc is frazzled, an Alex seems to put together. Ha-ha!
Mom had also stated that I when I was born into this world, I was very loud and cried immediately. Well THAT doesn't surprise me! I'm still loud but I only cry now when I watch those darn ASCPA commercials with the abused dogs and cats.
I often think about who I am and my purpose here on this planet. I try to give and have joy in my life. I also try to experience more as I get older. I find that I have less connection to all of the items I have collected in my life. I've started giving things away to those who I think will enjoy them. Sure, I still love my nic-nacs, but I am less likely to hold onto them anymore or add to the collection of dust-collectors which I surround myself with. "Experiences" are now becoming much more important to me.
One of the latest trends which is if I am not mistaken, a Japanese trend promoted by the author and expert organizer Marie Kondo, is to declutter your home and life by taken an object, looking at it and questioning to yourself, "Does this bring me joy?" If it does, you keep it. If it does not, then it gets tossed or donated.
I have begun to do that with my nic-nacs. If I don't have joy from them, I pass them on. Hopefully someone else will feel the joy that they once brought me. This is an excellent way to regain control of your life and living space while focusing on enjoying the experiences in life.
As one gets older, they begin to hopefully look at the bigger picture of it all: what is meaningful and what is not worth the trouble. This can refer to experiences, items, or even relationships with people. Where I used to sometimes revel in competition or confrontation, I take that step back, weigh my options and more often than not, take a pass. It just isn't worth my aggravation.
Ah wisdom, what a late but welcome friend you are!